I recently reread a funny story that my sister sent me. Nothing Sorority related, I just thought I’d share it with you. I hope it tickles you as much as it tickled me. I actually laughed out loud because I have been through this. I expect most of us have….
This past weekend I went shopping with my daughter and sister and bought some clearance items. So today, of course I want to wear this one purple V-neck t-shirt I got for $2.50. Quite the bargain huh? Well I don’t know about you, but when you get something new, I like to try to wear it right away. It kind of makes me feel better. Especially since I am a slob, and always dribble some sort of food or drink on my shirts.
Well, after the shower today, getting dressed, I put on a bra, and then the new purple t-shirt. Oops! It’s a bit too low. So I had purchased some camisoles recently. You know the kind I’m talking about, the stretchy ones with the built in shelf bras…………did you know those act very much like sports bras? Unless your “girls” are small, perky or filled with saline, they are gonna get squished in these shirts. It’s almost worse than sports bras. At least with the sports bras you have more material in the “girl” area. You can “expand your horizons” a bit more, where, with these tight, stretchy camisoles, there is no give up front. So I thought, well maybe with the t-shirt over the camisole, you won’t notice the 4 inch roll that runs vertically about 9 inches below my collarbone, and horizontally, goes all around the front of me, including way under my armpits. You know, kind of like those blow up flotation rings that children use in water? Although, I have to say, it really didn’t go around my back, but then again, I can’t twist quite that far around anymore to get a good enough view. So the rule is, if I can’t see it, no one else should, right?
Anyway, I am getting off track here………..where was I. Oh yeah; I put the t-shirt on, and guess what? It’s VERY noticeable. It really looks like a blow up flotation ring is under my t-shirt. I can’t have that now, can I? So now I have to take the stupid camisole off. The trick is, though, not to throw my shoulders out of socket while doing it. Did you know stretchy material doesn’t breathe well? I now know that because, in taking the camisole off, it got stuck, my arms flailing in the air, the camisole is off my body, but still, somehow, connected to my shoulders, the “girls” are peeking out from this stretchy material, or perhaps I should say, oozing out, and it’s not a pretty sight (do you think they put superglue in these items of clothing or something?), and I am stuck, and now I cannot breathe. I’m being smothered by underwear. What will I tell my children? How can I explain this one to my husband so he won’t think my mother dropped me on my head as a baby…..several times? How will my obituary read?
So, trying not to huff and puff too much and use up too much energy, because we all know using up energy uses oxygen, and I can’t afford to lose too much air right now, so, carefully, I pull this stretchy torture device over my head, but it’s VERY stretchy, and no matter how hard I pull, there seems to be more fabric, and it’s still wedged…..back to huffing and puffing regardless of the consequences. I manage to get it off, almost knocking my head on the sink in the whiplash that I experienced removing it.
Needless to say, I put back on the bra, put back on the new purple v-neck t-shirt. You know what? A little cleavage never hurt anyone.
Have a great day!!